Welcome to the Neighborhood!


Got the keys to my parents new place today and went over to make sure everything was ok. Miss Diva loves to have a bunch of empty house to run around in and she just took off, bouncing off the walls and having a grand old time. She was rocketing around, happily, I was inspecting with a hint of OCD and then it happened. BAM. Kiddo managed to lock herself in one of the bedrooms. With my keys. And was playing with the buttons on my car remote to make the alarm go off….and laughing with maniacal joy. Nothing says, “We are HERE!” like a car-alarm on a quiet street at 10:00am on a Saturday in suburbia.

After breaking my new-found rule of swearing in English in front of Miss Diva (to be fair, a child locked in a room is kinda an “Oh sh!t!” moment…it fits.) and totally breaking off part of my manicure when I tried to jam my finger into the twisty lock to get her out, we realized that the only way Miss Thang was getting out of the room was the same way she got in…at her own direction.

“Baby, can you please push the button on the keys? It’s making a loud noise.”

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, Noooo Mommy. Go away.”

“Sweetheart, mommy needs you to open the door! Can you show mommy how you open the door?” 

“SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE”

“Please? Show mommy how you open the door?” (grumble, grumble &^*%*, grumble &(&&^%% door)

“Sweetheart. OPEN THE DOOR!”

“Um, no thwank wu”

Pause to bang head against wall and try not to freak out. Counting minutes until the cops are called on my alarm that is STILL blaring.

“Mommy. Nap.” —door opens—keys flung at me–doggie blankie recovered—and child marches to the door, expectantly and demanding “Nap”.

Alrighty then.  Car alarm, blissfully silent. Child looking up at me with cherubic innocence. Neighbors sitting on porch looking on in what I will optimistically call amusement instead of disgust. Our work here is done. Happy moving, family. I think Miss Diva and I will avoid the neighborhood for a little while. 🙂

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Comments
2 Responses to “Welcome to the Neighborhood!”
  1. Asia S says:

    OMFreakingGooodness….!!! I about died while reading this… Imagine me sitting here, suffering from some rash, scarlett fever and steep throat ( my nephew lovingly gave it to me), tears rolling down my face as I desperately snort/cough in my ARM trying not to wake up Ave and holding my phone at the same time. So funny. I’d have sat down and cried from frustration and embarassment and then waved hi to the neighbors…

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