The Pregnancy Pact: A Reaction

This is from my old pregnancy/infant blog and I am slowly but surely combining the two!

Original post date: January 2010

I just watched the “Pregnancy Pact” movie on Lifetime and I don’t know what to think. Not really. I mean, its spurs such a variety of emotions in me.

I am flabbergasted as to the idea that so many young girls would plan to get pregnant.  That they would have only one aspiration for themselves: becoming a mom, regardless of the odds that are stacked against teen mothers and regardless of the facts that they are completely not ready to be a parent. That they would not think the enormity of the situation all the way through, but instead want only to “play house,” blows my mind. That’s what they are to me, when I watch this movie about these girls; they are kids desperate to live out a fantasy of playing house. A baby is not an accessory. It is a living, breathing, pooping human being.

And yet, my heart breaks for them because that delusion is going to break hard. They have no idea how hard it is to raise a child. Much less raise one when they themselves are still kids. I get angry because how can these girls bring another life into the world so flippantly?  How could they plan to get pregnant without consulting anyone, and then not even care about said baby once they are actually pregnant because they drink themselves into oblivion, smoke and party hard. I am sad for the loss of the innocence that they once had and I get so frustrated because I know girls like this. They don’t think about the bigger picture and the delusions they have about parenting are just scary.

I had an unplanned pregnancy at 22 and it was, at first, the most devastating news I could have received. I was floored completely and not just because I thought that my life as I knew it was going to change, but because I know how HUGE of a responsibility it is to bring another life into this world. I was no longer responsible for just me, I was responsible for whole other person. That was not something to be flippant about. It was scary and huge and completely overwhelming. I was so terrified but I wanted so much to make sure that that baby didn’t suffer because my birth control failed me. I didn’t know what the future was going to hold but I did now, from the day that I saw that double line that I wanted that baby to be healthy and happy. I got to the point where I realized that she was going to be an unexpected blessing; whether I kept her or found another family for her. I committed to that. Eventually, after running through all my options, repeatedly I decided that I was ready to commit to parenting my angel and with that I jumped in the deep end and have been swimming ever since. I love being a mommy and my daughter is the best thing that ever happened to me. However, I have a college education; I am poor but committed to being financially stable. I am at a place in my life that being a single mom, it’s hard, but it’s doable. And I am doing it. Every single minute of every single day. There are no days off with this. It is a full time, unpaid job.

Committing to be a parent is not something that should be entered into lightly. It is the most important job you can do.  It’s something that I don’t think that the majority of 15 and 16 year old girls realize. So many think it’s going to be all fun and cute Kodak moments. They don’t think about the countless late nights where you are so tired you can hardly keep your eyes open and yet the baby is screaming. They don’t think about the fact that your adorable baby can and will explosively poop all over you and then let out a wail that will make the vein in the back of your eye start to twitch. A lot.  They don’t think about how much diaper actually cost and how many diaper changes happen each day. They don’t think about how drastically their lives will change. A BABY CHANGES EVERYTHING! It’s not just 9 months of cute maternity clothes and a big Buddha belly. They simply don’t think.

Now, I don’t want anyone to get the idea that I think all teen mothers/parents are destined to be failures or selfish or leeches on the system or anything like that. Far from it. I know several wonderful teen mommies who have taken on the adventure of parenting while in high school and holding down a job and they are great parents. But they don’t do it alone. They have a complex system of support within friends and family who help them out.  They know the realities of their situation and they know the odds stacked against them. Many teen mothers make it work every single day and their kids turn out great. But I bet if you asked some of them if they would have waited a few more years to start having babies, they would tell you they would. It’s not easy. I guess I just wish more young girls would realize that the happy ending stories of becoming a young teen mom are the exception, not the rule. :-/ To all the teen mothers out there that are struggling to make it work, I wish you all the best. You have a long and hard road ahead of you but you can make it and I know how hard you are going to have to work to make it happen.

So anyway, that’s my reaction to “Pregnancy Pacts”.  I stand behind the judgments I have made but I do not seek to offend anyone. I am just pointing out some cold hard facts as I see them. It is my opinion that 15 & 16 yr old girls who actively try to get pregnant are irresponsible and immature and have absolutely no idea what they are getting themselves into. The ones that end up as good parents? That’s great. But I worry about all the other ones. And most especially, I worry about their kids.

That’s all!


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