You know you’re a parent when…

I love lists. I think it’s time for a new one. Voila! Here we go!

Not gonna lie, my kid likes to take a nap with the dog in the dog crate.

“Simply Bekah’s You Know You’re A Parent When (YKYAPW) List!”

  1. You spend an inordinate amount of time monitoring, talking about, cleaning up or encouraging bathroom habits that are not your own.
  2. You get surprised in the shower and end up sharing your lather time. No, no. Not surprised in the shower. More like your precious 8 minutes of lather time gets interrupted by a parade of toddler, sometimes the dog and often a whole lot of wasted Dora bubble bath. It is a whole new meaning to the college phrase, “Save water, share a shower!”
  3. Actually, you spend a lot of time in the bathroom as a parent. Period. Hiding, encouraging, normal bathroom activities, trying to figure out how you managed to lock yourself out of the toilet. It becomes a VERY familiar part of the house. Do yourself a favor and put the toilet paper up high…one doesn’t want to get into a situation where there is no TP because it was used as “Princess sashes” earlier….just saying.
  4. The last man you googled was “DJ Lance”…not Cosmo’s Man of the Year.
  5. You can more accurately predict the daytime schedule of Nick Jr. instead of the primetime dramas. This doesn’t change for a few years unless you ban TV. More power to you if you do, but good luck showering alone if that is the case.
  6. You FREAK OUT about little things…and simultaneously adopt a “walk it off” attitude towards others. There may or may not be a rhyme or reason to this in the beginning. Case in point: Diva is a breath holder. She got dragged into the ER a LOT for that with me freaking out. She also has my…ahem…”grace” and banged into a tree running around. She didn’t need stitches but I was much, much calmer with that vs. a normal behaviorism. You learn. Buy a first aid kid.
  7. The “5-second rule” is really more of a suggestion. Unless you are at the zoo.
  8. You end up having Communion with a Cheez-It in the church parking lot because your kid pitched a royal fit about not being allowed to “have a cwacker!” during the service…and interrupted the service because of it. (This may just be applicable to us, lol!)
  9. You are fascinated with pregnancy and other people’s kid stuff. Previously this would have bored you to death, now you are the one boring your non-kid friends to death. This is make or break time. They will either love you or leave you for it. It’s part of life. Birth stories are also a new fascination.
  10. You can change a diaper with one hand and have sung a “potty song” in a public restroom. Sing loud, sing proud.
  11. You worry all the time. ALL the time.
  12. You suddenly understand the brilliance behind “The Kid Leash”.
  13. You have to bite your tongue when friends are new parents go on and on about new “theories” of parenting. The ridiculousness is reassuring to you, the experienced one. You patiently try to refrain from laughing when told of plans to “coordinate infant schedules” and “a non-negotiable birth plan.” Everything is negotiable. They will learn.
  14. Your sleeping habits change dramatically. You will probably be able to sleep anywhere.
  15. You ALWAYS have snacks. You are the snack queen.
  16. That overpriced brag bag you have has crayons in the bottom. And cheerios.
  17. Your kid knows how to work your iPad better than you. S/He is not yet in preschool.
  18. You post a ridiculous amount of “kidisms” on Facebook, knowing that only a select group of your friends will care…and do it anyway because your kid is just. THAT damn awesome. Haters gonna hate.
  19. You are kicked out of bed….by a 20lb ninja baby. Queen or King size doesn’t matter. That kid is like Gumby! The stretching and bed-hogging abilities are truly astounding.

    And finally….#20. You have NO idea what you are doing most of the time but you know that you love that dang kid more than life itself.

    What are some of your “YKYAPW” thoughts?

    Peace, Love and “D-d-d-d-d DORA!”,


3 Responses to “You know you’re a parent when…”
  1. I used to be able to tell time by what program was on PBS Kids.

    • simply.bekah says:

      Awesome! I have fond memories of Reading Rainbow and Sesame Street. Unfortunately for me, my kid is really terrified of Big Bird so we don’t get to watch it very often! Thanks for stopping by! 🙂

  2. Amanda says:

    Not to be vulgar but my recent experience of YKYAPW coincides with your first few:

    When you’re spending more time Googling “What color is poop supposed to be?” than “What fashions are in style this season?”


    When you spend more of your Chistmas money and gift cards buying new kids clothes than new mommy clothes.

    And, of course,:

    Your looks of annoyance at parents with small children in the theater turns into a look of sympathy. (Some parents continue to be annoyed with small children in theaters, but at least they understand it more).

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

  • Visitors!

%d bloggers like this: