Our New Lives As “Fish Killers and Terrors of the Pet Store.”


Imagine this scenario if you will.

The afternoon is rainy to the point of monsoon-y.

It is cold.

A young mother, her psychotic dog, and her toddler are trudging through the misery to the pet store to get more dog food.

The puddles are splashing into the “turns out they aren’t actually waterproof” mommy boots.

The dog is daintily tripping through the water and filth.

The toddler is actively seeking out as much of the wet stuff as she can find.

They enter the store.

Psychotic dog, who is fearful of men, sees mountain-man-on-a-bender-esque man with his St. Bernard.

So does toddler.

Toddler bee lines for “BIG DOGGY”

Dog beelines for nearest shelving unit to hide under. It should be noted that dog is on an extendo leash.

In slow motion, watch as the toddler runs toward the St. Bernard only to trip on the extendo-leash of her cowering sidekick.

Toddler, in rain galoshes, goes flying.

St. Bernard seems apprehensive.

Cue the display of Betta Fish.

The mother is entangled in dog and leash. Cannot reach the toddler.

Mountain Man has zero reaction time.

Toddler reaches dog, skids on floor, and Psychotic dog takes this opportunity to move to a new location.

The changing of positions causes a massive entanglement.

This part is not clear but in the efforts of the St. Bernard to get away from the careening toddler and the psycotic dog’s effort to get away from the mountain man, the toddler’s effort to pet the “big doggy” and my effort to stay on my feet…the Betta Fish display got knocked over.

I regret to say that several fish were lost in the skirmish.

A small display of Fancy Feast was also injured.

Psychotic Dog is more traumatized than ever and toddler is still disappointed at the loss of an opportunity to make friends with Big Doggy.

On the bright side, I did end up with a coupon for a discount on dog training classes.

On the other hand, I may have to start buying my dog food at Costco to avoid any more interactions as the fish killer.

Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming…oh wait…

or it could be, "and then I saw the flash of fur as dog and child descended towards our shelf...rest in peace Aunty Jilly, Uncle Leon and Uncle Marty. You were good fish." Sighhhh

In Memory of Betta One, Two and Three.

Bekah

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Comments
2 Responses to “Our New Lives As “Fish Killers and Terrors of the Pet Store.””
  1. Anne says:

    Oh god Bekah. Your life is never dull.

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